Please don’t start a fight tonight
Everyone’s in the house and everything is all right
Nothing but friends
Trying to meet ends
You know what I mean, trying to pay the rent
Give me my mates and a party and I’m quite content
Yo Paulie why’d you have to call him bent?
Cause you’re gonna start a fight
And we’ll all have to fight see
And I wanted tonight, to be stress free
So won’t you let be
Take it easy
It’s a party
So don’t start please
Everyone’s at ease
Whether you’re drinking beer, or smoking trees
There’s no one here, looking for enemies
Welcome in, grab yourself a tin
There’s seldom been, a more welcoming
Place to session
Let’s replace aggression
And erase the suggestion
You should face a lesson
We welcomed you in without pausing
Now look at the trouble that you’re causing
If you came to have a few, and have a laugh
Then it’s true, you picked the right gaf
We’re a decent few, and we show that
But I’m telling you, so you know that
If you came to slag my mates, and start a fight
Look at this place, you picked the wrong night
You’d be cannon fodder
So don’t bother
Cause we all rather
And much prefer
When we all get on
And no problems occur.

Now I don’t think that’s too much to ask
Actually it’s an easy task
So why don’t you clasp a flask
And raise your spirits high
The session doesn’t stop till we all run dry
But by and by
We’ve a large supply
So let’s drink our fill
There’ll be plenty still
And in time when we run out of beer, cider, and shorts
We move onto drinking wine, Hennesy, and ports
So get them in, don’t be anti social
Heading back to the gaf, after the local
Around this way, this house the focal
All we have to say, is don’t get too vocal
It ain’t aimed anyway, it ain’t select
All we ask is you, show the house respect
We ain’t foolish though, we do accept
Now and again people get upset
All we ask is you do your best
Just for tonight give them fists a rest
This ain’t a contest in who’s the hardest
Only interest is who’s going to get the farthest
With that girl dressed the smartest
The lads are stressed, they’re trying their hardest
But she’s use to it, she’s playing it cool
Poor Smiley’s useless, he looks a fool
Did a few shots, and fell off his stool
She laughs it off though, the girl’s not cruel
It’s all done in a laugh, the lads love the chase
Just fun in this gaf, man I love this place.

As the night wears on we’re getting slightly pissed
So tell me now, have you got the gist
You can control them fists, roll them spliffs
Or take hold them hips, and give that girl a kiss
It’s as simple as this, simple as that
Don’t mind taking the piss, once it’s done in a laugh
Playful banter when we chit chat
A verbal answer is the only come back
If you ain’t got one, laugh at yourself
You know laughter, is good for your health
So when you get an urge, for fighting stuff
Easy now, you need to lighten up
In our group, we love the stings
We welcome it, when a stranger brings
You’ve to learn to take it, slag them back
Learn to take it, cause it’s only craic
If it gets too much, gets too offensive
Use an easy touch, don’t get too defensive
Just make it clear, someone’s crossed the line
We’re all here, to have a good time
Don’t want to see anyone offended
Just want to see the fun extended
Weekends are a time of relief
And my friends like to unwind in peace
The place is filled
And we’re all chilled
So if you’re not ill willed
And enjoy a laugh
Get your glass filled
But that’s enough of that
For tonight at least
Don’t be a thief
And steal our night
By starting a fight
So as the session reaches its height
Please lads
Don’t start tonight.

© Daniel Breslin