Sometimes we fall apart

In order to rebuild

Sometimes love breaks our hearts

Because our hearts with love is filled.

 

Sometimes life’s lessons

We be learning slow

And we run in all types of directions

When it feels like pain is all we know.

 

It can be hard to say we messed up

Or just admit you are feeling low

When you really don’t know how to deal with something

Or how to let the pain of it go.

 

It’s not that you feel hopeless

Or you don’t see scope to grow

It’s just you don’t really know where to focus

As your heart tries to cope, with letting its biggest hope go.

 

For I’ve been holding onto hope

In some misplaced broken form

And that hope gave me strength to cope

When my heart and world felt completely torn.

 

For every person needs love

And every person needs hope

And the world is hard enough when you don’t have one

Never mind when you are lacking both.

 

But in our heartbreak, we can find our issues

Pinpoint the things that hold us back

And rebuild some hope in ourselves

When in other situations hope retracts.

 

I always thought I had the answers

Of how to deal with most everything

And that every hardship faced

Was a chance to show strength in suffering.

 

But it’s become painfully clear here that I don’t

As this pain cuts that bit more deep

For while I’m used to rebuilding hope

Attached to this hope, was so much hope for me.

 

To admit you need another

Is just a reality, that comes easy to some

But when you’ve spent your life denying your needs

That can be a massive obstacle to overcome.

 

How does the thing we desire the most?

Become the thing that we most fear?

That we panic in the sight of it

As our body screams to us how long it’s been since it felt near.

 

Reminding us we can’t fight our feelings

We can merely try and deny as we bury them below

And we’ve to get comfortable sitting with them

If we have any hope in letting them go.

 

We can lose hope in other situations

But we must never lose hope in ourselves

We all have our own demons we’re facing

In our own external and internal hells.

 

For me it’s losing someone I care about

For reasons I must let silence tell

And in searching myself, acknowledge losing people I care about

Is something I know a little too well.

 

I can’t hide my vulnerability

Or even try deny the pain I’m in

In fact, I’m sitting in both, admittedly

But maybe in that there’s some kind of win.

 

I always thought I had the answers

Of how to deal with most everything

And that every life tragedy and event

Was a chance to show strength in suffering.

 

But this is a pain I’ve been trying to escape

Only it’s a lie to myself I can’t manage to sell

For there’s so much hope lost for me in this heartbreak

How much I could take, at times, has been hard to tell.

 

‘For pain can be a bludgeon

A prism to see through

Or it can be a smudge on

Your vision, a stain before a more beautiful view.

 

And it’s always been a stain for me

In the heart a painful shot

But I’ve taken many of those

And have yet to see myself stop.’

 

Or at least that’s the voice that’s been in my head

At every hurdle life has thrown in my view

And to a lot of good in my life that voice has lead

But something in it this time rings a little untrue.

 

I always thought I had the answers

But it’s become clear here how much I don’t

As I keep trying to outreason a feeling

But the feeling’s a feeling and stop it won’t.

 

Today the world is dark

Today my heart is blue

But every day is another torch to spark

And each soul is responsible for the torch in you.

 

For when one door offers closure

And hope feels hard to source

Remember hope is life’s greatest soldier

But it’s up to you to light the torch.

 

And that’s the torch we must carry

Even when others dwindle from our eye

For it’s the torch we kindle for life in ourselves

When times are dark we must never let die.

 

I can retreat into sorrow

Feel sorry for myself for a time

But I soon put my hopes back on tomorrow

For the day may be lost, but the future’s still mine.

 

We don’t always get the things we want

But that can help make sense of what we need

And as we let our demons haunt

We must remind ourselves to breathe.

 

We can grieve the living

We can grieve parts of ourselves

But we must keep gratitude for the life we’re living

Even when it hurts deep in our cells.

 

And as I process hurt

I only ever see more work on me

And for future relationships to work

That’s maybe the way it has to be.

 

For you can educate your mind

But what’s the use if you don’t educate your soul?

For it’s only in the connection with others

I’ve ever felt anything resembling whole.

 

So today I sit in sorrow

Today I sit deep in my pain

Allowing the hurt and sorrow

Run deep through my heart and veins.

 

Ain’t this life a terror?

Don’t it hit you where it hurts?

Where you slug through and suffer hardships

For life’s brief but sweet desserts.

 

Ain’t this life a dream?

Ain’t it all we’ll ever have?

And sometimes even at its worst

If we work, it still ain’t half bad.

 

So today I sit in pain

Admiring the beauty in that too

And know maybe tomorrow we return a little to colour

With an open heart and a different prism to see through.

 

But today I sit in sorrow

Today I sit deep in my pain

Admitting the only knowing is in hoping, there will come a tomorrow

Where these feelings won’t remain.

 

© Daniel Breslin